Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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