just come out here and I will go home with you...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
