Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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