I just pynch a tree in the face
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
