just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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