So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
