I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
