she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
