I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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