I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
