I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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