I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
