i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
