The maid of honor just puked.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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