Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
