I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
