i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
