census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
