Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I enjoy the company of your penis
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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