he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The police scanner is talking about you again....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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