Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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