I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
