oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
