Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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