Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
