i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
