Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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