With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
