Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
