I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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