Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
