the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
