based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
