No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
