How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
