hell yes lets make some ravioli
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
