4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
