if i can run in heels then i can drive
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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