I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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