Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
