just come out here and I will go home with you...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
