You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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