omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
