in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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