I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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