Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
