somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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