We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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