So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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