I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
