We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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