woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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