so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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