capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
