I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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